Agony

Intense pain of mind or body.

Extreme physical or mental pain.

Self-Portrait, 2013

36"x48"

Wishing to be dead, to stop the agony, the endless pain of heartache that affects the entire body.

As difficult as it is to look at this piece sometimes, I love it so much. It is part of me, the hardest part, but facing it reminds me that I made it through. I survived it and I am better because of it.

Self-Portrait: Infertility, 2024

36" x 48"

I had been working on this piece that fits into the realm of agony, but it had been very painful to move it from paper to reality. It was sitting in my notebook since March 2023 and in my head longer than that. I was committed to bringing it to life to begin healing from that chapter.

Here she is, in all her beauty. I am very proud of this piece. I cried many times as I worked through it. What it means to me: the empty space is the part of me that will never be, a loss of something I never had, and my heart aches. I will continue to process, always processing.